I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
