After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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