I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.