im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize