anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.