I faked an abortion last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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