there was a trapeze. enough said
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it