Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

anal on a first date. tsk tsk.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Her name starts with A and ends with whore.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(718): View more from New York

The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.

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(518): View more from New York

he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!

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(941): View more from Florida

So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.

(941): View more from Florida

I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.

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