I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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