how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
