just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
