if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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