If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize