Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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