GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
