I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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