Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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