The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Pants are for mortals
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
