Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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