he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize