I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize