I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
