I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
MIDGETS
????
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
