Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
