tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
