i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
