just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
