I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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