I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
