I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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