Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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