She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
