Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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