Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
