Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can I color on your dick again?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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