Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
