we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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