don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
