Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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