Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
