guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
