Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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