I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
