We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
