I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
