I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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