I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
