I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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