So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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