really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
