My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As shirtless as possible
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
