if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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