We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
