I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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