Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
