my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
