You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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