Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize