I want to have your abortion
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
