So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
