just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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