My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
