My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
