Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
