when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
