we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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