so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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