I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize