She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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