Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
