I wish I could teleport
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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