I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
