Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
