it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
